Any conspiracy theorists, X-Files fan or journalist looking for a cheap punchline at the expense of nerds, geeks and delusonal paranoids the world over can tell you that the humble tin-foil hat has long been the headwear of choice for evading secret transmissions from origins unknown.
Now, however, the scientists are getting in on the act and a new piece of research entitled On The Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study has renewed interest in the paranoid’s headwear of choice. (The study, conducted by MIT, can be found here.)
Setting out to debunk the theory that tin-foil could block mind-altering transmissions, the experimenters placed antennae on the heads of various volunteers and directed different frequencies of radio signal at them – with some benefiting from tin-foil’s fabled protection while others were forced to go without.
The report did indeed discover that the penetration of most frequencies was reduced by the addition of a foil helmet, but they also found that certain frequencies were unaffected or even amplified by the metal. And which frequencies were these? Well, oddly enough, they coincided with a number of radio bands reserved for the use of the US government.
However, supporters of the tin-foil helmet have been quick to hit back. Lyle Zapato, promoter of the Aluminum (sic. he’s American) Foil Deflector Beanie campaign says the MIT report has a number of serious flaws, “not the least of which is a complete mischaracterization of the process of psychotronic mind control. I theorize that the study is, in fact, NWO (New World Order) propaganda designed to spread FUD (Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt) against deflector beanie technology, and aluminum shielding in general, in order to disembeanie paranoids, leaving them open to mind control.” He also expresses concern that MIT Media Lab is funded by DARPA (Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency), the US military agency often linked to mind control research.
So is tin-foil now officially officially useless? Or is it a plot to convince you to bare your naked skull to the brain-melting power of our secret overlords?
We don’t know. Neither do we know if there’s any benefit to be gained from fashioning a helmet of your own from this copy of Matrix (once you’ve finished reading it of course) but if anyone questions your decision to try it, just tell them the voices made you do it and we guarantee they’ll never mention it again.