{"id":961,"date":"2011-02-23T16:54:46","date_gmt":"2011-02-23T16:54:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/?p=961"},"modified":"2014-06-24T18:14:44","modified_gmt":"2014-06-24T17:14:44","slug":"space-fury","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/?p=961","title":{"rendered":"SPACE FURY"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Space Fury<\/em> (2000) (AKA In the Dead of Space<\/em>, don\u2019t let Hollywood trick you, if you\u2019re going to watch this crap make sure you\u2019re doing it on purpose) is proof that all you need to make bad movies are an inept cast, terrible script and a pocketful of hope. Live the dream! Martin McGrath refuses to suffer in silence.<\/h3>\n

We\u2019d like to welcome a special guest to this issue\u2019s column, star of Space Fury<\/em>, Cosmonaut Conrad. <\/strong>Hi there Cosmonaut Conrad!<\/strong>
\nWhy do you bother me? I\u2019ll kill you!<\/em><\/p>\n

We\u2019ve been asked to talk to you about your application to fly the shuttle mission to Space Station Tesla.<\/strong>
\nYou can\u2019t stop me, I\u2019ll kill you all!<\/em><\/p>\n

Of course. Now, let\u2019s see, you were asked what your ambitions were for your time as a cosmonaut? And you answered…<\/strong>
\n…to destroy Los Angeles and start a war between the complacent Americans and the Russian oppressors of my people. You have a problem with that? I\u2019ll kill you!<\/em><\/p>\n

And during an emergency re-entry of the space station you said…<\/strong>
\n… I would stand on the bridge as the flames lapped around me laughing maniacally at the success of my evil plans. Like this: mwahahaha! Then I kill you. I kill you all!<\/em><\/p>\n

We\u2019re sensing some hostility here. Is something bothering you?<\/strong>
\nI\u2019m not angry. If you say I\u2019m angry…<\/em><\/p>\n

…you\u2019ll kill us all. We got that. Thanks. Can we talk about why you feel like this, Conrad? Tell us about your mother?<\/strong>
\nMy mother was very religious, we argued often. She never loved me and she was quite insane, luckily I\u2019m not. Now excuse me while I play obsessively with my lovely knife. It is very, very sharp.
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Are there any other women in your life?<\/strong>
\nI have had many good friends who are women. And I killed them all. Mwahahaha! With my lovely knife.<\/em><\/p>\n

But you\u2019d have no problem working with female cosmonauts?<\/strong>
\nNo. Not unless their pheromones taunt me. Then I will kill…<\/em><\/p>\n

…them all.\u00a0 I’m beginning to spot the pattern… with your lovely knife? Yes we understand. Can we talk about religion?<\/strong>
\nI hate God! It is all a filthy lie.<\/em><\/p>\n

How about modern culture?<\/strong>
\nI hate it! I hate the corruption, the music, the whores, all those people who aren’t white and the chaos. I will kill it all! With my lovely knife. No wait, I\u2019ll need something bigger. I will use the space station. Mwahahaha!<\/em><\/p>\n

You certainly have put a lot of though into planning all this. Finally Cosmonaut Conrad, is there anything you don\u2019t hate?<\/strong>
\nMurder. Laughing. My lovely knife. My mommy. No wait I hate her. No I love her. Hate. Love. Oh, I don\u2019t know… I like pickled onion Monster Munch. They make me burp funny.<\/em><\/p>\n

Thank you, and goodbye.<\/strong>
\nI will come back and kill you. I will kill you all! Where’s my knife? Did you take it? Oh wait, here it is. I leave now. Goodbye, until I kill you.
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Well, he seemed nice \u2013<\/strong>
\nEh?<\/p>\n

I see no reason why we can\u2019t clear him for the mission.<\/strong>
\nBut he\u2019s a nutjob! A loony! A fruitloop! He\u2019s a cuckoo short of the full clock! He\u2019s clearly suffering from a non-specific psychosis chucked in by writers who couldn\u2019t be bothered to do any research on real mental illnesses and based it all on stuff they\u2019ve seen in crappy movies.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019ve checked and, according to Space Fury<\/em>, neither America nor Russia have a rule against murderous, mother-obsessed, psychopaths flying space shuttles.<\/strong>
\nOh, fine, okay then, have a nice flight, Cosmonaut Conrad!<\/p>\n

Is there anything else we learn from Space Fury<\/em>?<\/strong>
\nYou can\u2019t leave the parking to a woman… Space shuttles use seatbelts from a Renault… Attractive female cosmonauts on space stations sleep nude, on beds… After recovering from a head trauma, head-butting someone is probably fine… Don\u2019t watch Space Fury<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Space Fury (2000) (AKA In the Dead of Space, don\u2019t let Hollywood trick you, if you\u2019re going to watch this crap make sure you\u2019re doing it on purpose) is proof that all you need to make bad movies are an inept cast, terrible script and a pocketful of hope. Live the dream! Martin McGrath refuses […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":962,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[8,10,16],"tags":[75,76,47,88],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/02\/space-fury.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p27AP7-fv","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/961"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=961"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/961\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2645,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/961\/revisions\/2645"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/962"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=961"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=961"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=961"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}