{"id":955,"date":"2011-02-23T16:50:19","date_gmt":"2011-02-23T16:50:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/?p=955"},"modified":"2014-06-24T18:14:45","modified_gmt":"2014-06-24T17:14:45","slug":"retroactive","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/?p=955","title":{"rendered":"RETROACTIVE"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Karen has to travel back in time to stop a killer, but instead things get worse. Karen has to travel back in time to stop a killer, but instead things get even worse Karen has to travel back in time to stop a killer, but instead things go absolutely apeshit. Karen…<\/h3>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"Retroactive<\/em>? Great name for a time travel film. <\/strong>
\nYeah, it\u2019s like Principal Skinner said in that episode of The Simpsons where he gets together with Homer, Barney and Moe to form Bee Sharps, a Beatlesishbarbershop quartet. \u201cWe need a name that\u2019s witty at first, but that seems less funny each time you hear it.\u201d<\/p>\n

I have no idea what you\u2019re talking about. <\/strong>
\nNothing new there.<\/p>\n

So what happens? <\/strong>
\nWell there\u2019s Karen (Kylie Travis), she is a police psychologist who has just got a load of people killed in a hostage situation gone terribly wrong \u2013<\/p>\n

Oh! I get it. She travels back and saves the day? <\/strong>
\nThe thought never crosses her mind. She\u2019s driving through the desert when her car breaks down, so she hitches a ride with two strangers.<\/p>\n

Now I\u2019ve got it. She\u2019s a hitchhiker, so she must be a maniac. SHE killed the hostages and she\u2019ll gradually kill the rest of the cast in unlikely but entertaining ways. <\/strong>
\nNot even close. Frank, (James Belushi) the driver of the car who picks Karen up turns out to be a psycho who kills lots of people, including his girlfriend Rayanne (Shannon Whirry).<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve ruined the ending, and what happened to the time travel? <\/strong>
\nI\u2019ve only just started. Karen escapes from Frank and runs off into the desert and she finds a secret government facility where they are testing a time travel device. Not that this hugely important device is guarded or anything, there\u2019s just nerdy Brian (Frank Whaley).<\/p>\n

That is lucky. A time machine, in the middle of nowhere, with no guards? How lucky! What are the chances of that? She\u2019s just so lucky! <\/strong>
\nYes, it was very lucky. Sarcasm is a particularly low form of wit, you know.<\/p>\n

Really? I didn\u2019t realise. So Karen goes back in time, saves everyone and everything is better? <\/strong>
\nWrong again. You aren\u2019t very good at this, are you? She goes back in time and makes everything worse. More people die. Things blow up.<\/p>\n

So then what? <\/strong>
\nShe goes back in time again.<\/p>\n

And? Don\u2019t think I\u2019m guessing again \u2013 I\u2019m not just here for you to make fun of. <\/strong>
\nActually I think you\u2019ll find that\u2019s exactly what your here for, read your contract.<\/p>\n

I have a contract?<\/strong>
\nNo.<\/p>\n

Just tell us what happens in the film.<\/strong>
\nWhat happens is that things get even worse. So she goes back in time again and again.<\/p>\n

Cool. She must come up with a great trick to get herself out of this mess. What does she do? <\/strong>
\nNothing.<\/p>\n

Sorry? <\/strong>
\nShe does nothing.<\/p>\n

That sounds a bit dull. <\/strong>
\nWell, she goes back in time and smokes a cigarette and watches Frank drive past. It is incredibly dull. Infuriatingly dull! So dull that even your ideas sound better than the one the makers of Retroactive <\/em>came up with. And you\u2019re an idiot.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s the worst ending to a film I\u2019ve ever seen. <\/strong>
\nDon\u2019t tell lies, I know you\u2019ve seen AI<\/em>.<\/p>\n

How do you know that? <\/strong>
\nBecause we\u2019re the same person, remember. We only pretend to be separate for the sake of this column.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s what they think. <\/strong>
\nShut up.<\/p>\n

(Originally published in Matrix<\/em> 166, Mar\/Apr 2004)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Karen has to travel back in time to stop a killer, but instead things get worse. Karen has to travel back in time to stop a killer, but instead things get even worse Karen has to travel back in time to stop a killer, but instead things go absolutely apeshit. Karen…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":956,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[8,10,16],"tags":[75,76,47,88],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/02\/retroactive.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p27AP7-fp","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/955"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=955"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/955\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1721,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/955\/revisions\/1721"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/956"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=955"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=955"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=955"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}