{"id":947,"date":"2011-02-23T16:29:26","date_gmt":"2011-02-23T16:29:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/?p=947"},"modified":"2014-06-24T18:14:45","modified_gmt":"2014-06-24T17:14:45","slug":"crossworlds","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/?p=947","title":{"rendered":"CROSSWORLDS"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Crossworlds is the story of a young man who discovers that his father came from another dimension and that he is the key to mysterious crystal that could end a war. It may well be the most exciting science fiction film ever made. I mean it might be. I couldn’t actually tell you.<\/h3>\n

<\/p>\n

Hello?
\n<\/strong>Zzzzzzzzz…<\/p>\n

Hello! Are you there?
\n<\/strong>…zzzzzzzzz…<\/p>\n

Oi! Wake up! There\u2019s a column to write here.
\n<\/strong>Mm? Wha\u2019?<\/p>\n

The column. We have to write the column.
\n<\/strong>Oh yeah.<\/p>\n

So, did you watch it?
\n<\/strong>Watch what?<\/p>\n

The film. <\/strong>Crossworlds. <\/em><\/strong>Did you watch it?
\n<\/strong>Yes. Well, I mean, I tried to watch it.<\/p>\n

You tried to watch it?
\n<\/strong>I saw the first half an hour three times, but then I fell asleep.<\/p>\n

You lazy sod! Go back and watch the film.
\n<\/strong>Only if you come with me, maybe if we try and watch it together we\u2019ll be able to stay awake.<\/p>\n

Oh, all right then.
\n<\/strong>Look, I\u2019ve seen this bit. Josh Charles \u2013<\/p>\n

He was in <\/strong>Dead Poets Society!
\n<\/em><\/strong>\u2013 is at a party. And there\u2019s Jack Black \u2013<\/p>\n

He was in <\/strong>High Fidelity!
\n<\/em><\/strong>Are you going to do that all the way through?<\/p>\n

Well, I have to say something, don\u2019t I?
\n<\/strong>No. Look! Josh is a loser \u2013 he hasn\u2019t got a girlfriend, and he can\u2019t get one. Haha!<\/p>\n

Just because he doesn\u2019t have a girlfriend doesn\u2019t make him a loser.
\n<\/strong>Have you got a girlfriend?<\/p>\n

No.
\n<\/strong>Loser. And now there\u2019s Andrea Roth \u2013<\/p>\n

She was in… No, wait, never heard of her.
\n<\/strong>No, me either. She does, however, have long legs and a short skirt. She\u2019s interested in Josh but just when he thinks he\u2019s got lucky she disappears and Josh goes home alone and frustrated.<\/p>\n

I know that feeling.
\n<\/strong>Of course you do. Loser.<\/p>\n

People are shooting. Where did they come from?
\n<\/strong>Dunno. So Andrea does the \u201ccome with me if you want to live\u201d speech from Terminator <\/em>and takes Josh to meet Rutger Hauer.<\/p>\n

He was in…
\n<\/strong>Blade Runner<\/em>, The Hitcher<\/em>, some Dutch films, more direct-to-video stinkers than anyone except Dolph Lundgren, and that stupid one where he played the blind, swordfighting, Vietnam vet.<\/p>\n

Blind Rage<\/em><\/strong>. Please, leave this to a professional, I\u2019ve had years of training in the art of seamlessly slipping film titles into magazine columns.
\n<\/strong>Have you ever thought of getting out more? It might make you less of a loser. The film is starting properly now. There\u2019s the bad guy, English character actor Stuart Wilson \u2013<\/p>\n

He was the bad guy in <\/strong>Lethal Weapon 3<\/em><\/strong>.
\n<\/strong>Really? I didn\u2019t see that one. So the bad guy wants the necklace Josh got from his mysteriously dead dad, and he\u2019s really powerful in a low\u2013 budget Emperor from Star Wars <\/em>kind of way and Rutger is his old enemy and they fight and…<\/p>\n

Zzzzzz…
\n<\/strong>Zzzzzzz…<\/p>\n

(Originally published in Matrix<\/em> 164, Nov\/Dec 2003)<\/h5>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Crossworlds is the story of a young man who discovers that his father came from another dimension and that he is the key to mysterious crystal that could end a war. It may well be the most exciting science fiction film ever made. I mean it might be. I couldn’t actually tell you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":948,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[8,10,16],"tags":[75,76,47,88],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/02\/crossworlds.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p27AP7-fh","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/947"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=947"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/947\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1723,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/947\/revisions\/1723"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/948"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=947"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=947"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mmcgrath.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=947"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}