Because I have no doubt that many of you are exactly like me and like to know well in advance when your geeky movies are due for release (just in case you accidentally plan something minor - a holiday, major surgery, a life - across an important opening weekend) I thought I’d share with you my list of genre movie release dates for the next 12-18 months.

No doubt, like me, you’ll all find this exceptionally useful and will be scribbling dates down in your diary even as you read this (humour me here guys).

Anyway look on, ye mighty, and despair - especially any Americans out there, who’ll be wondering what the hell is going on with all these crazy dates (on which point, note that these are provision dates and open to sudden and dramatic shifts - all I’m saying is don’t plan your wedding after seeing these if you really can’t stand the thought of not being first in the queue for Resident Evil: Extinction).

Death Proof (21/9)
Damn them I want to watch the Grindhouse double bill with Planet Terror, not just Quentin’s solo effort.

Day Watch (5/10)

Didn’t understand the first one, hated this one

The Invasion (12/10)

Looks dire - hoping to be surprised

Stardust (19/10)

Initial enthusiasm and excitement has now become a dull concern. Superb cast but wonder if the story will have the drive to sustain all those cameos.

Saw IV (26/10)

First one, surprising. Second one, talky. Third one, flat. Fourth one? Pointless.

30 Days of Night (2/11)

I can’t remember the last good vampire movie I saw… but I’d love to be surprised.

Resident Evil: Extinction (23/11)

please, please stop

Beowulf (30/11)

Great story, great cast, animation in the trailer looks like its escaped from an average PS2 game - hated this technique in Polar Express and it will take a lot to convince me here.

Doomsday (1/12)

Brit dystopian sf from the direct of Dog Soldiers, so going to be at the front of this queue!

The Golden Compass (7/12)

Again I’d love this to be mindblowingly good, don’t think it will be.

The Nines (7/12)

The plot for this sounds deranged, but the director wrote Go, Big Fish & The Corpse Bride so he’s earned some leeway. Looking forward to this.

I Am Legend (4/1/08)

I am totally terrified… by how bad this could be

Alien vs. Predator: Survival of the Fittest (4/1/08)

Feel that chill? That’s death gripping the heart of all you love. What is the matter with these people? Surely there can’t be enough money to justify this sort of thing? It must be some obsessive, compulsive, s&m thing, mustn’t it?

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (25/1/08)

Burton, Depp, Rickman, Spall - if this isn’t brilliant I’ll eat my underpants

The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep (1/2/08)

Sound’s more twee than an explosion in a Laura Ashley baby things factory

Invasion of the Not Quite Dead (27/1/08)

Cheap brit zombie horror comedy - go on, be entertaining

Babylon AD (29/1/08)

Vin Diesel in a futuristic thriller, how could that go wrong?

10,000 BC (14/2/08)

Roland Emmerich’s stone age film is already getting flack from US Christian fundamentalists who believe in creationism. Enough reason to see the film, no matter how bad it is, right there.

They Came from Upstairs (21/3/08)

Not a clue. Not a promising title though, is it?

The Spiderwick Chronicles (21/3/08)

When I read this was about kids on a run down estate seeing visions, I had visions of some turgid Ken Loach social realism rantathon with glue sniffing and smack, but I think I might have got the wrong end of the stick. It’s not that kind of estate.

Iron Man (2/5/08)

Great cast, the director is saying all the right things, and Iron Man is one of my favourite Marvel characters, so fingers crossed for something good.

Day the Earth Stood Still (9/5)

One of the sf films I’ve loved longest - and perhaps the single greatest film in the sf canon - gets set up to be arse-raped by the god-bothering fuckwit who directed the disgustingly disingenuous The Exorcism of Emily Rose (my honest review here), still I guess I should reserve judgement.

Indiana Jones 4 (22/5/08)

The man with the hat is back, again, again. Woohoo!

Starship Dave (30/5/08)

Eddie Murphy is an alien ship piloted by tiny aliens [shakes head in disbelief, walks sadly away].

The Incredible Hulk (20/6/08)

I’m one of the few who genuinely loved Ang Lee’s original, but I can understand why the film company and Marvel want to reboot too, so I’m looking forward to his.

Chronicles of Narnia: The Prince Caspian (27/6/08)

I have no strong feelings about this. Quite like the books. Quite like the first film. Not sure how this will work on the screen. Pfft!

Batman: The Dark Knight (25/7/08)

The problem with Batman films has always been Batman - spoilt, rich, sociopath’s are not fun characters.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army (8/8/08)

The first one was fun, but the ending just let it down. This could be fun too.

Death Race (26/9/08)

Now this is the sort of thing that should be remade. Better special effects. Better script. More carnage. Bet they chicken out and make it a tongue-in-cheek post-modern pile of 13-rated toss. Paul WS Anderson to deliver another shit-for-brains failure or my favourite biscuit isn’t the bourbon cream.

Where the Wild Things Are (24/10/08)

My daughter will sit through this three times, whether she likes it or not. My favourite bedtime reading.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (21/11/08)

Sigh. Of course I’ll see it, eventually.

Star Trek XI (26/12/08)

Can JJ Abrams revitalise the franchise. No high expectations, but surely it must be possible to make a movie in the Star Trek universe that is at least entertaining without all the bloody baggage.

And these films are around (in production/ready to go but don’t have UK release dates yet)

Skinwalkers – the werwolves are revolting (insert your own punchline here)

The Last Legion – I’ve seen this, it’s a nice film – not great (sometimes wobbly) but mildly entertaining. Cast of classy British actors and a stunningly beautiful leading lady keep things bobbing along inoffensively.

In the Shadow of the Moon – really want to see this documentary about the surviving Apollow astronauts.

Martian Child – a grieving man adopts a child who thinks he’s a Martian, cheery.

Southland Tales – will the director of Donnie Darko ever get his second film released?

Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium - I beg your pardon? American tv adaptation?

The Mist - no idea. Horror thing, I think.

Cloverfield (untitled)– one fantastic trailer, JJ Abrams as producer, unknown cast. Looks good.

City of Ember – Bill Murray, Tim Robbins, Martin Landau in a family adventure set in a fantastic city – part filmed in Belfast? Strong cast.

Coraline - Henry Selick is a great animation director (A Nightmare before Christmas and James and the Giant Peach) and this material could be perfect.

Watchmen (2009) – Zack Snyder has made two films I despise – his glossy, shallow, stupid remake of Dawn of the Dead and his glossy, shallow, stupid recounting of the battle of Thermopylae, 300. There is no sign whatsoever that he’s capable of anything of substance and I honestly fear for Watchmen.